I have a deeply held value of not being a hypocrite, and something I say to all my clients is that I will never ask them to do something I wouldn’t do myself. If you’re asking people to trust a process, I think you should be willing to experience it yourself too.
So, a bit over two years after opening Balance & Birch, I decided it was time to become a member of my own practice.
I had worked with some of our providers individually before. But I had never fully stepped into the role of member and said: “Build the plan. I’ll follow it.”
I told my employees that I would be committing to 6 months of following every single recommendation/suggestion from them that fit into our Growth membership model for 6 months, no questions asked. No modifying, disagreeing, and no control. I even asked Dr. Hopkins to act as me in this scenario, as typically I am the one to put the blueprints together for our clients and give them the final recommendations.
I’m now three months in and entering the second half of that process, and honestly, it’s been going great. The biggest thing this experience has given me so far is what is looking to be true sustainability.
You see, my problem has never been effort. I was not someone disconnected from my health before this. Honestly, I’m probably one of the healthiest people I know when it comes to habits.
Not healthiest in the sense that my body behaves perfectly. It absolutely does not. I have PMOS. IBS. Immune issues. Insomnia. My body has always been a little dramatic. But in terms of actual habits, consistency, education, movement, nutrition, self-awareness, and willingness to work on myself? I’ve always been extremely committed. Most people in my life, including doctors and people in the wellness field, would probably describe me as intensely health-focused.
My issue has always been intensity.
I have had the same cycle for most of my life: I go unbelievably hard at something for around three months, convince myself I’ve cracked the code to life, and then eventually hit a wall hard enough that I disappear for two months and have to start the cycle over.
Usually this happens because I’ve pushed myself so hard for so long that my system eventually forces me to stop. I plunge into a depression, I am burnt out, and all I want to do is lay down and take a break. I think a lot of high-functioning people live this way without realizing how brutal it actually is on themselves. So this experiment for me was not about “getting healthy” and more about learning whether I could create a version of health that didn’t rely on constantly overpowering myself.
The Extremely Annoying Slow Start
The first month looked like this:
• A 60-minute hormone consultation with Dr. Ann Ijeh
• A 3-month weightlifting program from David
• Wellness hypnotherapy with Allie focused on balance and burnout prevention
• Reiki with Jennifer
What immediately stood out to me was how much everyone wanted me to slow down. I did not enjoy this.
I wanted momentum. I wanted intensity. I wanted the feeling of locking in and transforming my life overnight.
Instead, I kept getting recommendations for the basics: Sleep more. Support hormones consistently. Eat in ways that nourish your body and regulate your blood sugar. Build routines slowly enough that they can survive real life.
None of this was groundbreaking information. I already knew all of it. The difference was that this time I actually followed it instead of immediately trying to optimize it into something harder, faster, or more extreme. Remember, I committed to no modifications. And honestly, I resisted that internally for a while. Because some part of me still believes intensity is the thing keeping me successful.
Pilates humbled me more than expected.
By Month 2, Gina introduced Pilates. And for reasons I still cannot fully explain, Pilates became the thing I resisted internally the most.
Which makes no sense because I’ve always loved yoga. But something about Pilates forced me to confront how uncomfortable I am with slow, repetitive progress. It required patience, stabilization, breath control, balance, pacing, and consistency in a way that exposed every impatient part of my personality.
Unfortunately for me, it worked incredibly well. My core strength improved a lot and my body started feeling physically more stable overall.
That mattered more emotionally than I expected because after an accident in 2021, I lost a huge amount of balance and mobility and spent about a year unable to walk normally. There’s still a lot of rebuilding left.
The Most Important Part of This Entire Experience
Around the three-month mark, I felt the familiar shift starting. Historically, this is where everything falls apart for me… My energy drops. Depression gets heavier. Motivation disappears. Everything starts feeling harder.And normally, this is the point where I disappear for two months before eventually dragging myself back into routine again.
This time, the depression still came. That part didn’t magically disappear just because I was following a wellness plan. But instead of isolating and silently trying to force myself through it, I told my providers immediately what was happening. And their response, again, was nothing groundbreaking. They temporarily reduced everything to the bare minimum: Move your body somehow. Eat one nourishing thing a day. Try to sleep.
And I remember being internally frustrated by how minimal it felt because some part of me still wanted intensity even while actively burning out. I desperately wanted to just talk shit at myself and push through it. But, no modifications. Two weeks later, I was back. Appointments again, working out independently again… Functioning again.
That was the moment it finally, annoyingly, clicked for me: the slower foundation I had resisted from the beginning was the exact reason I recovered faster. You know, the thing I tell all my patients about why the plan is so great? Yeah.
For probably the first time in my life, I didn’t fully abandon myself during a depressive episode. I scaled down and got back at it. That’s incredibly exciting and infuriating all at the same time. And honestly I am still worried it was just a fluke and at the 6 month mark it won’t happen the same way.
Physical Changes
That said, there absolutely were physical changes too.
Over these first three months:
• My acne cleared significantly
• My IBS flare-ups decreased substantially
• I started having regular bowel movements consistently
• I dropped about 8 pounds
• I feel noticeably less inflamed overall
• I’m sleeping at least 7 uninterrupted hours most nights, which still feels bizarre considering I also have insomnia
A lot of these changes started after Dr. Ann adjusted supplements and had me begin intermittent fasting. And when she discovered I was drinking too much water and had me cut back because apparently I’m that much of an overachiever.
I also feel much physically stronger thanks to David, Vidhi, Iesha, and Gina. The Pilates, weightlifting, running, and yoga combo is honestly perfect for my whole body to feel good.
Let’s talk about the barn owls.
We covered mind, we covered body, and now I need to share my spirit improvements with you. Now, I think of spirit as what is good for our soul. For some it could be religious, for some it’s just community and love, for some it’s fulfillment and joy, etc. So keep in mind I don’t expect anyone to have these exact improvements from the membership, and I also anticipate some people reading this not having this part resonate. It’s okay, it’s just my personal experience.
During these last few months, especially around Reiki and hypnotherapy, I started experiencing extremely persistent synchronicities involving barn owls and snakes. And I do not mean casually. I mean constantly.
Dreams. Images everywhere. Random references daily. Repeated enough that I genuinely started feeling a little insane.
Eventually I started researching symbolic meanings, and a lot of what came up centered around intuition, transformation, and spiritual gift development. Something in me clearly wanted attention. I started reconnecting with spiritual practices I had drifted away from.
I began intentionally practicing aura reading because I’ve always sort of been able to see them, but never seriously explored it. I started using my tarot cards again occasionally. I started using my pendulum more. During Reiki sessions, I would also see colors corresponding to different chakras Jennifer was working on without her telling me beforehand.
And around the same time, I started feeling this really strong pull toward reconnecting with my Jewish identity and community. Literally all of my Jewish friends moved away a few years ago, and during this process I realized how disconnected I had started feeling from that part of myself. I ended up applying to an adult Jewish couples retreat because suddenly reconnecting with community and spirituality felt deeply important again.
None of this was prescribed by anyone at Balance & Birch. Nobody told me to become more spiritual. But slowing down enough to actually hear myself changed what I noticed.
What I Think This Actually Proved
I don’t think this experience proved that my employees are miracle workers. I already trusted them completely. That’s why I hired them. And honestly, none of the recommendations were revolutionary.
The biggest success of these first three months was realizing that when I started slipping, I only disappeared for two weeks instead of two months.
For me, that’s enormous.